"The more we elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate." – J.B. Priestley
If you take public transport and look around, you’ll notice most people are buried in their phones. It’s actually a rare phenomenon to see someone just sitting there, taking in their surroundings without staring at a screen.
And let’s be real—you’re probably like that too.
You get on the bus or train while looking at your phone. The millisecond your butt hits the seat, you pull out your phone. You put it away for a second, glance around, and—oh no—accidental eye contact with a stranger! Out of pure instinct, you grab your phone again and start scrolling through social media like your life depends on it.
And listen, no shame in that—that’s just how most people are nowadays.
We grab our phones while waiting in line—to avoid awkwardness.
We grab our phones while hanging out with friends—to avoid too much social interaction.
We grab our phones between workout sets—to avoid eye contact.
We even walk to the next gym machine buried in our phones—avoiding any possible conversation.
You probably see where I’m going with this.
Back in the day, before smartphones took over…
People were forced to embrace uncomfortable human interaction.
We had to talk to each other.
We had to deal with the awkwardness of speaking to strangers.
We had no choice—because without phones, we would’ve been bored out of our minds.
But today? You can escape all of that discomfort in an instant. Just whip out your digital shield—your phone—and you’re safe from having to talk to anyone.
And honestly? That kind of shocks me.
We’re social beings, not meant for isolation.
Sure, social media mimics real-life interaction—but it’s not even close to the real thing.
In actual face-to-face conversations, there’s:
👀 Eye contact
🎭 Tonality
💡 Body language
🎭 Real emotions
… and a whole bunch of other things that can’t be replicated with code.
And if you haven’t caught the hint yet, I’m talking about social skills. Real-life, human-to-human social skills.
My Story
I know firsthand how important this skill is. So let me tell you a little about myself.
From the moment I was born until around 14 years old, I barely talked at all. I was so quiet that people genuinely wondered if I even had the ability to speak. To be honest, I sometimes wondered that myself.
I don’t have a definite reason why I was that way, but it probably had to do with the fact that I didn’t speak a word of Dutch growing up.
Both of my parents spoke only Vietnamese, so that was the first language I learned. And on top of that, in Asian culture, being quiet and reserved is often seen as "good behavior." From a young age, I was taught that being quiet meant being a "good boy."
Well… let’s just say that led to a massive social disadvantage.
A whole mess of problems came with that. I was bullied, people didn’t respect me, and let’s not even talk about dating or making friends—that was completely out of the question.
A Pivotal Moment
Entering high school was a turning point in my life. In my mind, it felt like a fresh start, a chance to reinvent myself. I was sick and tired of being the quiet, muted kid that everyone knew me as.
And to this day, I thank God that I had that mindset back then.
Somehow, I believed in myself—I knew I could change, that my fate wasn’t sealed. So I took the necessary steps to pull myself out of the social disadvantage I had been stuck in for years.
I made a conscious effort to start talking to strangers.
I read books, watched videos, and studied everything I could about communication.
I forced myself into uncomfortable social situations—on purpose.
Yeah, I had a ton of awkward, painful, cringeworthy moments. But looking back? Damn, have I grown.
The Transformation
Nowadays, people assume I’m an extrovert—that I was just born this way.
But little do they know, I had to build myself into the person I am today.
I can even say, without a doubt, that I’m the most social person in any room.
So trust me when I say this—social skills are everything. And I know that better than anyone.
Why Social Skills Are Important
We, as humans, are social beings. You already know that. And that means a huge part of our happiness comes from social interactions with others.
I don’t know if this study is actually true, but I once heard that being isolated has the same health consequences as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day.
Whether or not that’s accurate, what I do know for a fact is that lacking social skills leads to a whole mess of problems—problems I’ve personally experienced and can guarantee will happen to you if you don’t develop this skill.
Respect Flies Out the Window
Although I preach fitness all the time and am primarily known for that, I’m also 100% convinced that social skills are more important than having a good body—at least when it comes to earning respect.
I know a few jacked dudes, but they have the social IQ of a goldfish.
And let me tell you, if you can’t hold a decent conversation, even with a great physique, it will backfire hard.
People will sense that social weakness, and they will poke at it. They will treat you with less respect, not because you’re weak physically, but because you’re weak socially.
And respect is essential for thriving in any area of life. Which brings me to my next point...
Job Applications Require Social Skills
As some of you may know, I used to work as a software developer.
Now, you’d think that in a role like that—where you sit behind a computer and work with technical skills—social skills wouldn’t matter much, right?
Wrong.
Even in tech, companies don’t just hire you based on your skillset—they also judge you based on how well they like you.
Yeah, sure, you need to know how to do the job. But after that? It’s all about likability.
At the end of the day, we, as humans, are social creatures.
We hire people we like.
We become friends with people we like.
And if you have terrible social skills, being likable becomes ten times harder.
And you know what else becomes ten times harder?
Dating is Impossible Without Social Skills
Let’s set the scene so I can really emphasize this point.
I’m:
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5’6” (not exactly NBA height)
-
Making just enough to get by on my own
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Asian (so no "tall, dark, and handsome" advantage)
-
The only things I got? Muscles and social skills
Now, let’s compare that to my friend:
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Over 6 feet tall
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Makes way more money than me
-
Italian (and conventionally handsome)
So, if we follow social media logic, my friend should be drowning in women while I’m out here drowning in egg rolls and noodles, right?
Well… hate to break it to you, but that’s not how it works.
Yeah, my friend gets way more looks from women. But guess what?
That doesn’t mean shit if he can’t talk to them.
I love my friend to death, but he doesn’t have the capability to approach, hold a conversation, or build attraction.
And besides just the ability to approach—think about dating for a second.
When you’re with someone, all you have is conversation.
What are you gonna do? Just sit there and stare at each other?
If you lack social skills, dating is gonna be a painful experience.
How to Improve Your Social Skills
There are a lot more reasons why social skills are important, but I don’t want to make you feel bad any longer. So let’s get into the solution—what actually worked for me.
In my early teenage years, I had to experiment, fail, and learn the hard way. But after all those years, I can give you the biggest takeaway when it comes to improving your social skills:
👉 Just fucking talk more.
Groundbreaking, right? Damn, what a revelation.
But seriously—it’s the truth. The same applies to fitness. How do you get bigger biceps? Do more fucking bicep curls. It’s not rocket science.
Yes, there are all kinds of techniques, tricks, and tips out there, but at the end of the day, nothing beats actually doing it.
And this is something I preach about in every field—do more, consume less. Keep it simple. Just like in fitness, focus on the basics. (Oh, and speaking of fitness, read this for the basics of fitness.)
But don’t worry—I’m not gonna leave you without any structure. So here’s my 6-step method for improving your social skills:
1. Acknowledge That Social Skills Matter
Way too many people underestimate social skills.
Somehow, practicing talking to strangers is seen as weird. Meanwhile, being social is literally what makes us happy and fulfilled.
It blows my fucking mind.
Hopefully, after reading this article, you see just how important improving your social skills is. If you don’t, then, well… good luck with life.
2. Get Over Approach Anxiety
When I say “approach people,” most guys immediately think, “Oh, he means talking to women.”
No, bro. I mean people.
You gotta approach and talk to PEOPLE. Be a human, man—not just a horny dude who only talks to women.
Yes, we all have that fear of walking up to a stranger and saying something. That’s why Step 1 was to recognize that this skill is important—because if you don’t, you’ll never push past this fear.
3. Say, "Hi, how’s your day going?"
A lot of content online teaches you fancy-ass openers or clever compliments to start conversations.
Let me tell you this, my friend—that’s bullshit.
Compliments need to be genuine, or they’ll backfire. And those fancy openers? They feel fake as hell—because they are fake. People pick up on that immediately. And guess what? Nobody likes that.
So skip all that nonsense. It does way more harm than good because it makes you overthink everything.
Instead, just say: "Hi, how’s your day going?"
And do that five times a day.
Say it to the cashier, the receptionist at your gym, the person next to you on the bus. Just fucking say it.
Do this every day, and you’ll already be in the top 10% of social people.
I’m not even kidding.
4. Listen More Than You Talk. Ask Questions.
🚨 DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOURSELF TOO MUCH. 🚨
I know a guy at my gym who’s great at starting conversations, but he has the social IQ of a water buffalo. (Yeah, that makes no sense, but you get the point.)
Why? Because all he does is talk about himself.
Every time I see him, he’s rambling about his new workout routine, his heavy lifts, his macros.
Bro… nobody cares.
This is the reality of the world: People love to talk about themselves.
They don’t give a damn if you’re a millionaire or have a six-pack—they just wanna talk about their own lives.
So here’s the secret to being charismatic:
👉 Ask good questions.
👉 Be genuinely interested in other people.
Everybody has a story. Nobody takes the time to listen. Be the one who does.
5. Remember
Now that you’re saying hi, asking good questions, and talking to more people, here’s your next step:
📌 Remember what they said.
If you meet someone again and ask them the exact same question as last time, you’ve just signaled that you weren’t listening at all.
And that? That makes people feel unheard and unimportant.
Maybe they won’t hate you, but it’s not a good look.
On the flip side, if you remember what they said and build questions on top of that, you’ll build an instant connection.
This is so simple but insanely powerful.
6. Keep Doing It Until It Feels Natural
Now, just keep repeating the process.
Some people might say, “But I don’t see that many new people every day.”
To that, I say: You’re not paying attention.
There are people everywhere.
On your way to work. At the grocery store. In the gym.
You just need to be aware of the opportunities around you.
Last Words
This is becoming a real crisis nowadays.
I’m not exaggerating when I say that the average social skill level is dangerously low—far below what should be considered acceptable.
And look, I preach fitness and working out, but I’ll be real with you—social skills are even more important than fitness.
Think about it.
You could have the physique of a Greek god, but if you can’t even hold a conversation with a stranger, what’s the point? What fun is life if you can’t connect with people?
Because at the end of the day, people and connection are what make life exciting. Opportunities, friendships, relationships—all of it comes from your ability to connect.
But if you’re one of the rare breeds who chooses to work on both their fitness and their social skills?
Damn. The world is yours.
💪 Fitness builds your outer and inner confidence. (Click here to read the only exercises you need for fitness.)
🗣️ Social skills lock that inner confidence down—so your external and internal confidence are in sync.
Do both, and you’ll become unstoppable.